September 7th 2014
You know you are going to have an interesting day when your travel partner is smoking hash at 7:30am. Not only was the hash a sure sign of interesting things to come but being joined by a crazy, Gemini, black magic loving, Russian who lives to tell many an interesting tale was sure to be eventful.
This woman has experienced things that you only see in twisted Johnny Depp movies such as ‘Fear and loathing’ or the latest ‘Fantastic Mr Fox’ and perhaps some stories are due to schizophrenia episodes and others facts of living a unique way of life. She’s a woman that loves to live on the edge and openly admits to chasing after danger. I for one seem to naturally attract enough danger and bizarre circumstances without the need for chasing after it, so the two of us aren’t the best match or perhaps we are the perfect match.
I love adventure as much as the next person but when you are; floating in a tree made canoe, on a river full of flesh eating crocodiles, whilst keeping a watchful eye on the shore for tigers I’m not too keen for a good old boat rocking. Here she is high as a kite, with hands in the water to attract crocodiles, talking loud smack and laughing as she tries to tip our wooden device. It doesn’t help when you have 3 local guides who too are beginning to show their anxieties and concerns for our well-being if we tip. I thought again that ild be making a limbless phone call to the family asking them to pick me up early. At one point we considered beating her and throwing her overboard to save ourselves. For our return, our guide ended up seating her in a chair and offered her beer to keep her central and not rocking.
It doesn’t end there. Our guides attempted to give us safety procedures slash a run down on how to deal with the animals in the jungle for our safari walk. This chick is cracking jokes and laughing at herself thinking he’s joking. She’s just a menace and all I can do is shake my head at her. The guide made it explicitly clear to remain quiet and not to attract the attention of tigers and/or rhinos if we wish to survive the adventure.
Of course she proceeded to chat and inform us all in a watch tower about her sex maniac, drug addicted, mouse and cat saving, ex husbands and 25 year old boyfriend from ok Cupid!
It’s one thing to push boundaries but this woman pushes extremes. Upon return Cati and I proceeded to go on an elephant safari (which was amazeballs by the way) whilst she attended a local tattoo shop and got herself a swastika tattoo. She says she can, because she is Russian therefore she has the right. She justifies herself further by stating that it is to demonstrate her freedom of speech in Denmark, her current residential country and home of her sex shop job. Don’t get me wrong, this is of course a pure position, where she claims she is a therapeutic counsellor for hookers & transvestites.
Tonight, if she doesn’t spend the night in the watch tower attracting tigers, we plan to indulge in some local wine with one of the guides. I’m sure there will be more intriguing stories to come. In the meantime I’ve declined her offer to travel South America and the rest of the world together but appreciate her current existence in my life.